Sitting On The Lock Of The Bay

Miami Heat (-12.5) OVER WASHINGTON WIZARDS (-110)
And then there was one. Seriously. I'm pretty sure that's how many players the Wizards will be dressing tonight. No John Wall or Yi. Gilbert Arenas was traded for Rashard Lewis, who won't be ready to suit up, yet. Andray Blatche and Josh Howard are questionable and will be limited, at best. But even if all these guys were healthy, the Heat should still win this game by 20. They have won their last eleven games and ten of those victories were by double-figures. Ten of those victories also came against teams better than the Wizards. Those seem like pretty good odds to me. So good, that in an alternate universe that may or may not be exactly like this universe, I may have put real money on this game and ensured a dramatic Wizards victory (okay...cover). Party hard, D.C!

Previous Locks (12/6): 1-1-1
Season Locks: 8-4-1 (up $36.50)

"And I was born a ramlin' gamblin' man" Bob Seger in Ramblin' Gamblin' Man

Chock Full of Lock

One place, three picks, no mention of the Lakers (after this). Surely this must mean three locks.

ORLANDO MAGIC (-6.5) over Atlanta Hawks (-110)
Orlando is (much) better. They are playing at home. Their loss of Jameer Nelson is not as important as Joe Johnson's injury for the Hawks. Dwight Howard is going to do silly things while disregarding Isaac Newton and his ridiculous law of gravitation. It's Magic, you know.

Miami Heat (-5.5) over MILWAUKEE BUCKS (-110)
The Bucks have Andrew Bogut back and Brandon Jennings should run through the Heat's defense like it's a field of dandelions. AccuScore thinks this game is a toss-up. It's not going to be close. The Legion rolls over mediocre teams. And Milwaukee is decidedly mediocre.

Miami Heat/Milwaukee Bucks OVER 15 points being the largest lead of the game (-115)
See above. 

Previous Locks (11/30): 2-1
Season Locks: 7-3 (up $37.50)

"And I was born a ramlin' gamblin' man" Bob Seger in Ramblin' Gamblin' Man

It's 5 O'LOCK Somewhere

 Real (basketball) talk coming up later tonight. But to tide you over, here are some more hypothetical picks that will surely go wrong.

Los Angeles Lakers (-5.5) over MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES (-110)
 Xavier Henry on Kobe Bryant? That sounds nice. The Lakers have now lost two in a row and have lost three in a row just once since Pau Gasol donned the forum blue and gold? That also sounds nice (though really has no effect on this game). Really, this is a homer pick and a blatant disregard of the powers of the jinx. If it goes wrong, I'll never make the same mistake again. Note: This pick is not valid if Tony Allen starts at shooting guard. If I had actual money on the game, I would be sure to check the starting lineups right before gametime but probably won't.


San Antonio Spurs (-4.5) over GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS (-110)
Did you know that the Warriors have only lost once when David Lee plays? Lee for MVP! Unfortunately for the Warriors, the Spurs have only lost twice all season. They'll see your Curry, Ellis and Lee and raise you with Parker, Ginobili and Duncan. Now if only the Spurs can somehow contain Dan Gadzuric...

Previous Locks (11/26): 2-1
Season Locks: 5-2 (up $28.50)

"And I was born a ramlin' gamblin' man" Bob Seger in Ramblin' Gamblin' Man

I am a Lock, I am an Island

Can you bank on these picks? Kobe Bryant thinks so. Celebrity endorsement! You'll see why below...

Oklahoma City (-1) over INDIANA PACERS (-105)

Sure, Indiana is at home. Sure, they have a far superior point differential. Sure, they just manhandled the Legion of Doom behind Brandon Rush and T.J. Ford (of all people). Sure, John Hollinger just wrote a piece declaring that the Pacers may be more likely to make the playoffs. I spit on these facts. And then I stick my tongue out at them. I'm not talking an MJ-type tongue wave. I'm going back to the third grade and putting the scorn (and immaturity) on full throttle. The Thunder are now healthy and a better basketball team. And they're 5-1 on the road. And as of tip-off, Kevin Durant has not been traded to the Pacers.

Kobe Bryant OVER 25.5 points (-115)

Kobe has spent the last three years torching Utah. He gets to go against nemesis Raja Bell. He is averaging 25.3 points per game in limited minutes and should play more tonight because it will be a close game. And most importantly, he is due for a game where I want to throw things at the television because he is shooting too much. Bad for the Lakers. Bad for my television. Good for his point total.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS (-4.5) over Dallas Mavericks (-105)

I am a hater. I hate the Mavericks. I don't think Tyson Chandler is any good. I think Caron Butler and Shawn Marion are as redundant as they are washed-up. Even though the Mavericks internal statistics show that Jason Kidd is the best player in the history of basketball, I think he is old and slow and old. Dirk's hair looks stupid cut short. Even Birdman thinks DeShawn Stevenson has weird tattoos. Spurs win. The hate continues.

Previous Locks (11/24): 2-0
Season Locks: 3-1 (up $19.00)

"And I was born a ramlin' gamblin' man" Bob Seger in Ramblin' Gamblin' Man

Thanksgiving

A lazy, hokey post about what I'm thankful for as an NBA fan? Yes, please!

Call me Joseph Bramah Because I'm A Locksmith

Don't call me that. It's a ridiculous name. But for those of you interested, Bramah was an 18th century locksmith and invented the hydraulic press. Wikipedia, for the win! Onto today's locks (picks)...

Chris Bosh OVER 25.5 Points/Rebounds (+105)

Bosh has averaged about 35 total points/boards over the past 4 games and amassed 21 in only 30 minutes in the Legion's first matchup against the Magic even with a horrendous shooting night. He'll have to play big minutes tonight and some of those will come against Rashard Lewis. Plus, who else is going to rebound for the Legion? Udonis Haslem? Ohhhhhh! Too soon? Certainly not.

Jameer Nelson OVER 13.5 points (-105)

Nelson averages 14.3 ppg for the season and more than 15 when playing at home. He struggled in the first game vs the Legion (like everyone else) but minimal interior defense and poor defensive point guards have made the Legion vulnerable against good point guards.  and hell have to score more without Vince Carter.

Previous Locks (11/17): 1-1
Season: 1-1 (If all bets were made to make $10 if successful I am down...$1.00)

"And I was born a ramlin' gamblin' man" Bob Seger in Ramblin' Gamblin' Man

Reason #2147 Phil Jackson Is Awesome

“Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader.” General Motti from Star Wars

Phil Jackson and Red Auerbach are universally regarded as the two best basketball coaches in NBA history. While they are both known as good teachers and tactically proficient, the majority of their successes can be attributed to their motivational techniques (and of course, always coaching teams with multiple Hall of Famers). Jackson and Auerbach always put their players in a position to succeed while doing their best to disrupt their opponents' focus. Auerbach literally fought opposing players and fans in defense of his team. Jackson has never actually gone Van Gundy on the opposition but he has been manipulating referees and opponents through the media for the past twenty years. Most of the first thousand reasons why P-Jax is awesome involve getting Jordan, Kobe and Shaq to all embrace the triangle offense during their respective primes. Many of the rest touch on his player management skills and unmatched ability to wage psychological warfare on an opponent. If there is any doubt about his success there is only one thing to do...Count The Rings (but you'll need more than two hands to do it)! Earlier this week, Jackson added to his reputation as a master manipulator by offering his thoughts on Pat Riley and the Legion of Doom's rough start.

                                                    A potential Finals coaching match-up?

The (Eddie) House Always Wins (But Not in This Case)

I know what you're thinking. Why would Tony Parker cheat on Eva Longoria? I don't know. But I think we can all agree that this is another mark against the French and that things have been all downhill since they were kind enough to help us out with the whole American Revolution thing. Even more important than continuing to insult the French is the matter of examining Tony Parker's decision making. Not with the basketball in his hands leading the fast break, but with women. Eva Longoria is clearly ranked second on this list of attractive WAGs of athletes while Erin Barry is (quite generously) given the number five spot.

                                                       Certainly Brent Barry's better half

Stats Don't Lie

The first three weeks of the NBA season have been, statistically speaking, awesome. Rajon Rondo notched 24 assists while posting a triple double and Kevin Love helped himself to 31/31/5. Even the 29th ranked Milwaukee Bucks offense scored 41 points in a quarter with a forward pairing of Luc Richard Mbah a Moute and Drew Gooden. And that's just the list of performances that have come against the Knicks! (Note: How do you know you’re a hardcore NBA fan? When you can spell Luc Richard Mbah a Moute without a Google search. Also…Szczerbiak.) History will undoubtedly be made again this week, as I anticipate the NBA will present its’ player of the week award to an athlete from the NFL for the first time since Mark Sanchez threw it down with surprising authority after a touchdown against the Raiders. Mike Vick’s dunking this past Monday was only metaphorical but his performance against the Redskins leaves David Stern no choice because, well, did you see that guy??? There is no word yet on whether he will also capture the MLS and NHL player of the week awards, mostly because no one cares if the aforementioned awards do, or do not, exist.

The Quest to be the Best of the Rest in the West

Be my guest to profess but I must express that it's anyone's guess?

The Los Angeles Lakers have won the past two NBA championships and cruised through the Western Conference since their acquisition of Pau Gasol in 2008. This year’s Lakers team has been without starting center Andrew Bynum but is still off to a 7-0 start and appears to be superior to previous Lakers teams . They are -200 to again represent the Western Conference in the NBA Finals (Just to let everyone know, the best value on the board right now is the San Antonio Spurs at +1400). If you read a preseason NBA prediction column that didn’t have the Lakers winning the West, the author was likely purposefully contrarian for the attention, a complete idiot, a gigantic homer from the state of Oregon (this is Greg Oden’s year!) or Bill Simmons. This doesn’t mean that no one can challenge the Lakers in the Western playoffs, only that the Lakers’ best will easily win the West (and probably the Finals, too) and that a number of things have to fall in place for any other team to take the next step toward being a legitimate contender. Individually, each team faces long odds (as SportsBook correctly notes) but collectively, it is possible, perhaps even probable, that one or two teams will get lucky this season and have the chance to extend the Lakers in a playoff series next May.

The Thunder, Trail Blazers, Spurs, Mavericks, Clippers, Rockets, Hornets, Jazz and Nuggets all may believe that they can wind up as the number two seed in the Western Conference. That’s 8 teams, more than half the conference! Some of these teams matchup “well” against the Lakers (Thunder, Rockets, Blazers) while others have no real chance at defeating the Lakers in a playoff series even if everything does fall their way (Mavericks, Hornets, Jazz). But it only takes a single team to knock off the champs and plunge the whole conference into chaos/Finals fodder for the Legion of Doom.

Most of the questions center on the health of the prospective challengers, or more specifically, the lack thereof. Greg Oden has no timetable on his return but what if this is his year? Or perhaps the perpetually injured center to finally find his way onto the court for consistent minutes is Yao Ming in Houston. Maybe San Antonio reverses the aging process and goes on a run reminiscent of their championship years. Can the Thunder party like its 2012 and arrive earlier than anticipated? Call me crazy but that Darko guy seems like manna from heaven and the Timberwolves might really be able to turn things around this year. Who knows what havoc they could wreak in the playoffs if they snuck into the eighth spot? They do have eight lottery picks on their roster! (Free Kevin Love)

The Eastern Conference has more elite teams but most of the drama should remain out West, as it is the superior conference (16-8 vs. East so far) and has greater overall depth while maintaining room for potential growth (Warriors, Kings, Grizzlies). That being the case, it will take a great effort for any of these teams to reach the Western Conference finals and every franchise's fan base would likely be satisfied with that result. Of course, even emerging from the balanced middle of the Western Conference may not mean anything in terms of influencing the outcome of the NBA championship. The Lakers still loom.

“You guys are pros. The best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!” Reuben from Ocean’s Eleven

Bear in mind, the ability to finish near the top of the Western Conference does not necessarily mean a greater chance of defeating the Lakers in a series. The Hornets are currently undefeated and have beaten the Heat and Spurs in impressive fashion. But the interior size of the Lakers will swallow up the frontcourt of David West and (a rejuvenated) Emeka Okafor like Kobayashi swallows hot dogs (disgustingly often and in rapid succession). In lieu of a season preview, I will (maybe) take the time over the next few weeks to look at the contenders and assess their chances at making the playoffs (and, once there, knocking off the Lakers). First up is my preseason favorite, the 1-win Houston Rockets! Clearly not doing a season preview was a smart idea.

Does Kevin Garnett Kiss His Mother With That Mouth?

Yesterday, Charlie Villanueva (he of the alopecia universalis) claimed that Kevin Garnett called him "a cancer patient." Today, Kevin Garnett issued a statement that cited an on-court miscommunication and that he actually told Villanueva, you are "cancerous to your team and our league." Really, Kevin? Is that what you said? Are you sure you didn't drive home your point with an "and a pox upon your family, good sir!" Do you believe that an adrenaline-filled Kevin Garnett (the same man who did this, this, this, this, etc) suddenly started talking like a 19th century novelist?

I Am Legion

Full disclosure: I wrote most of this before the Legion of Doom made a mockery of an Orlando Magic team that will probably win 60 games this year...

It would be unwise to draw any long-term conclusions from the first game of the season. But after the first two games? Bring on the predictions! The Legion of Doom struggled in an opening night loss to the Celtics, being thoroughly outplayed and seemingly lucky to be within eight at the final buzzer. They dispatched the outmatched 76ers the following night but still looked disjointed in a ten-point win. After seeing these two games, I have reached a conclusion; the Legion will win the 2010-2011 NBA championship. Easily.

Some NBA "experts" have voiced a number of concerns about the team that will become the NBA’s next dynasty. Let’s go through them individually.

This is Definitely a Lock (Stock and Two Smoking Barrels)

I went 1-1 in my previous locks. Miami easily handled the 76ers but the Timberwolves lost to the Tyreke Evans-less Kings. What threw me off? I forgot to take into account the complete incompetency of the Minnesota oraganization. I predicted that Kevin Love would have a big game but he only managed 11 points and 10 rebounds. What's that? He only paid 24 minutes? And Darko and Anthony Tolliver played a combined 52 minutes? Of course they did. With their one point loss, Minnesota did take an early lead for the best odds at drafting number one next summer. Maybe that's the plan. I hear there will be a couple excellent points guards available. KAAHNNNNN! Onto today's picks (once against lines courtesy of Sports Book)...

Magic over LEGION OF DOOM at (+140) and
Cavaliers over RAPTORS at (+150)

Both the away teams are better basketball teams (currently) than their respective hosts. One win out of two and I make a hypothetical profit. My three minutes of research makes this seem like a logical play. Go forth and take it to the bank.

It's About The Journey- Don't Stop Believing

I love statistics. I have always loved statistics. I loved statistics so much as a kid that in fourth grade I bought a Fantasy Football magazine with leftover birthday money and created a two-man league. I calculated the weekly scoring with box scores from the Monday newspaper and, armed with the knowledge of experts at draft time, assembled a team that went 16-0-1 against my dad. It was clear in my nine-year-old mind that I had quickly and thoroughly mastered the intricacies of football statistics and, emboldened by my success, I began branching out to other sports. I soon came across the basketball book The Experts Picks: Basketball’s Best 50 Players in the Last 50 Years. There were charts, career statistics and organized rankings of the greatest players of all-time. As a child, I could not imagine a player superior to Michael Jordan and the book validated that opinion with a number one ranking for His Airness. Satisfied with the opinions of these “experts”, I devoured the book and its’ statistics and was later inspired enough to make my own attempt at ranking every starter in the league by position with a very simplistic version of PER (okay, really I just totaled points, rebounds and assists per game). I adjusted the list for defensive contributions (or for my own personal whims and completely arbitrary reasons) where necessary and thought myself the undisputed authority on everything about the NBA. And among the other pre-teen boys on the playground, I certainly was. How little did I know…

Lock It Down 10/27

A real post? No. But since the NBA season is all tipped off those (That's right...those. Plural. As in multiple posts. Nice.) will be coming later tonight. I am here to present my hypothetical locks of the night. The hypothetical is included because I have no disposable income and gambling is illegal. But the locks are real. Very real. They say that daily gambling on individual NBA games is just about impossible to turn a profit on. I'm here to prove them wrong (but probably won't). Tonight's picks (lines courtesy of SportsBook)...

Legion of Doom -7.5 over PHILADELPHIA 76ERS

Jason Kapono is starting for the 76ers. That's really all the information one needs but I'll go slightly more in-depth. Jrue Holiday and Spencer Hawes won't be able to take advantage of the Legion's weaknesses like Rondo and the Boston frontcourt did last night. Dwyane Wade will play better with a game under his belt. LeBron will be pissed. The 76ers aren't nearly as strong as Boston defensively. Back-to-back games shouldn't be an issue this early in the season. LoD in a rout.

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES -3.5 over Sacramento Kings

Tyreke Evans' suspension is the driving force behind this pick. Get it? Cause he was suspended for driving 120 mph? Anyway, I believe in the Timberwolves. Or, at least, I believe that Kevin Love will outplay rookie Demarcus Cousins and that the Kings cannot match up without their best player. It's in Minnesota and I think the Wolves carry over their good play from preseason. At least for a night.

"And I was born a ramlin' gamblin' man" Bob Seger in Ramblin' Gamblin' Man

Team Preview: Cleveland Cavaliers

The Ghost of Seasons Past (2010 Free Agency Now Included)

“’Tis just a flesh wound!” Black Knight from Monty Python, and the Holy Grail
 
The Cavs had an offseason worthy of the Black Knight. Coming off a combined 127 wins over the past two seasons, Cleveland lost their best rebounder/right arm (LeBron), best playmaker/left arm (LeBron), go-to scorer/right leg (LeBron), best defender/left leg (LeBron) and a gigantic rear end/gigantic rear end (Shaq). Unfazed by the swift crippling of the Cavalier brand and franchise, Dan Gilbert proclaimed that Cleveland would win an NBA championship before LeBron and his Legion of Doom in a comical letter to the public. To be fair to Gilbert, the Cavaliers have good role players and are perhaps one superstar away from contention. Now that I think about it, I know the perfect player for Cleveland’s system. LeBron James! Ouch. Sorry, Cleveland. Especially unfortunate for the Cavaliers is the fact that they often looked to have the best team over the past two seasons. An unfavorable matchup with Orlando in 2009 derailed a potential (and more favorable) matchup with the Lakers in the Finals. And Cleveland looked dominant through game three of the 2010 series against Boston. Then LeBron became something other than a one-man wrecking crew and the best player in the league. Was his elbow that big of an issue? Did he find out that Delonte West was sleeping with his mom? Was he already thinking ahead to the summer and possible ways of turning millions against him? I don’t know. But it’s very possible that Cleveland did not win a title because of simple bad luck or an unfortunate injury to their most important player. Despite a natural inclination to point to a single result as a definitive statement on a team or player and come to the conclusion that LeBron could never win a ring without Dwyane Wade or that the recent Cleveland teams were fundamentally flawed, perhaps it just came down to random chance. I feel confident in saying that had he stayed, LeBron would have eventually won multiple rings in Cleveland. But that doesn’t make for a good story. And barring a miraculous turnaround, this year’s Cavs team won’t make for many good stories, either. Things are quite different now. With LeBron gone, it’s J.J. Hickson’s world and we’re just living in it.

Team Preview: Chicago Bulls

The Ghost of Seasons Past (2010 Free Agency Now Included)

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” Alexander Pope

If I recall correctly, the Chicago Bulls enjoyed a fair amount of success in the 1990s. The final count came in at 558 regular season victories and six championships. And those totals are weighed down by a 13 win total during the (lockout shortened) 1999 season, the first year without Misters Jordan, Pippen and Jackson. Since that obliteration of the NBA's last dynasty, the Bulls have managed to be considered an up-and-coming team for an entire decade. They have been the Houston Texans of the NBA (and Eddy Curry is certainly David Carr). The first wave of youngsters included Elton Brand, Ron Artest and Jamal Crawford. Then Eddy Curry, Tyson Chandler, Jay Williams and Marcus Fizer arrived on the scene. It’s likely only Tyson Chandler will have an NBA contract next season so it should be rather obvious that the second wave fared particularly poorly. Luol Deng, Ben Gordon and Kirk Hinrich represented an improvement but could not win more than 47 games and Deng is the lone holdover on the current roster. Why haven't things worked out for Chicago? I blame the continuous reliance on players from Duke University but you can come to your own conclusions. Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah and Derrick Rose were the latest (and last?) young wave. Thomas has already moved on but the Bulls replaced him this offseason with Carlos Boozer (another Duke player!). With this move, Chicago finally cashed in on its’ cap space/assets and acquired a veteran big-name that wasn’t an aging Jalen Rose (who came at the expense of Artest and Brad Miller). Unfortunately, Chicago missed out on the grand prizes of the 2010 free agency period despite being able to pitch to free agents a potential starting lineup of Rose, Wade, LeBron, Bosh and Noah. Now that is a super team. Boozer is certainly not LeBron, Wade or even Bosh. And he’s not Kobe Bryant or Kevin Garnett, two names previously linked to the Bulls in trade discussions. But he signed a reasonable contract (considering the general overspending this summer) and fills a gaping hole in the frontcourt that has been expanding faster than Eddy Curry’s waistline since Elton Brand was traded to the Clippers nine years ago. Things appear to be changing in Chicago and Bulls fans can barely contain the hope bursting from their protruding, mustard stained, Gino's enhanced chests.

Jumping Off with Jordan Part Two: The Cheese Stands Alone

Having just discussed the bad about Michael Jordan (and his Charlotte Bobcats), I thought it fitting to make like Matchbox Twenty and get "Back 2 Good." (Re)Jumping off with Jordan returns. Finally.
 
The Internet is a wonderful thing. America has been introduced to the world of cute British babies thanks to YouTube. Nearly six million people follow (and have the privilege of reading) Ashton Kutcher’s astonishingly generic “thoughts” and “musings” via Twitter. (Follow me! If I get to double digit followers I will do something appropriately crazy and (probably not at all) entertaining/worthwhile.) Facebook lets you network and look at friends pictures and…play Farmville…and stuff. But most importantly, sports message boards eliminate the need to travel to the local sports bar to engage in a passionate, mostly ignorant debate comparing LeBron to Kobe to Kevin Durant to Michael Jordan to that eleven year old phenom who definitely has the inside track on becoming the number one pick in the 2018 NBA draft and will probably break every record in the history of basketball. A far more interesting debate would be determining how many WNBA All-Stars Dwayne Wade could defeat by himself, but that’s just a personal opinion (the answer is three, by the way).

Team Preview: Charlotte Bobcats

The Ghost of Seasons Past
Larry Brown and Don Nelson are old. Nelson played for the Chicago Zephyrs. He played with Bill Russell and Jerry West. Brown has been coaching since players had names like Sleepy Floyd and Foots Walker (1982 New Jersey Nets). He coached in the ABA. Both turned 70 earlier this year and each is now a septuagenarian member of our fine society. In his send-off to sexagerarianism, Don Nelson spent his 69th year living in style. He set his own hours, traveled around the country, had a bit of fun and steadfastly refused to relate to today’s youth. NBA devotees will also note that Don Nelson was the coach of the Golden State Warriors. The Warriors season served as a fascinating case study of how an NBA team would fare without any sort of direction from a head coach. They finished 26-56 and Nelson was fired in the offseason. On the other hand, Larry Brown spent his 69th year tirelessly coaching a mediocre NBA and led them to the playoffs. The Charlotte Bobcat roster had comparable talent to that of the hapless Warriors but finished 44-38. I don’t particularly like Larry Brown (see 2004 Pistons over Lakers) but the man can coach. According to Basketball Prospectus, Brown has the third best composite defensive rating of the thirty current NBA head coaches (behind Scott Skiles and Gregg Popovich). He has accomplished this despite frequently taking control of teams without quality talent (see Bobcats-Charlotte, Knicks-New York and Clippers-Los Angeles). Somehow, he coaxed career years out of Gerald Wallace and Nazr Mohammed while keeping Stephen Jackson (mostly) out of trouble and Boris Diaw (occasionally) out of the nearest Krispy Kreme. The Bobcats were the best defensive team in the league last year. Gerald Wallace is an excellent defender and umm…Raymond Felton won an NCAA championship and umm…Tyrus Thomas was picked 4th in the draft a couple years ago? The credit goes to Brown. In a surprising turn of events, he led Charlotte to their first playoff appearance in franchise history while the UNC basketball team struggled to an NIT berth. Don’t count on a continuation of this topsy-turvy version of North Carolina basketball. More Harrison Barnes, less Eduardo Najera.

Team Preview: Boston Celtics

The Ghost of Seasons Past (2010 Free Agency Now Included!)
The one that got away. I am, of course, referring to the Celtics and their pursuit of the 2010 NBA championship and not the 1957 WWII film that I was unaware of until some very recent Googling. The Celtics successfully rope-a-doped the Eastern Conference last year and were one quarter away from a second NBA title in three years. But the problems that plagued the Celtics during the regular season crept into Game Seven and denied them a ring. They could not keep their foul rate under control, struggled on the glass against a taller Lakers team and went cold from the outside as the offense stagnated. Faced with a rapidly aging core of players and the expiring contracts of Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Coach Doc Rivers, the Celtics seriously considered blowing up the team and rebuilding around Rajon Rondo. Instead, Rivers returned as coach and brought Pierce’s Bubblicious Beard with him (Jesus Shuttlesworth, too). To augment a front court that couldn’t match up with Pau Gasol in the Finals, GM Danny Ainge added 600 pounds of O’Neal. It’s uncertain how many pounds Shaq will contribute to that total but my best guess is 437. Although Shaq’s weight might be one problem for the Celtics, the more important number is 39, as in the years that Shaq will have lived on our fine planet Earth this March 6th. Since Boston’s championship window was already rapidly closing, the Celtics chose to swing for the fences and go bigger, slower and older. Hopefully no one threw out their back in the process. I hear that’s a problem for the geriatric.

Team Preview: Atlanta Hawks

The Ghost of Seasons Past (2010 Free Agency Now Included!)
The Atlanta Hawks have a relatively young core of players and won 100 games and two playoff series over the past two years. They have improved on their win total in each of the last five regular seasons and have an emerging star who harnessed his immense talents for the first time in 2010. All of these facts make Atlanta seem like the (much-hyped) OKC Thunder of the Eastern Conference and indeed, the Hawks are similarly a single piece away from being a serious contender. Lost amidst the LeBron mania over the summer was a low-key, yet crucial, signing for Atlanta. It was a signing that brought Atlanta two-time championship experience not named Adam Morrison. To be fair, Josh Powell’s ability is more Morrisonian than Bryantesque. But his renowned locker room DJ-ing can only help team chemistry. According to John Hollinger’s latest computations, that should be good at least .17 wins this season. And all for the veteran’s minimum! So, there’s that. Oh, I almost forgot. The Hawks front office also re-signed Joe Johnson to a contract worth $119 million and destined the team to five years of 48 win seasons and early playoff exits at the hands of the Magic, Celtics, Bulls and LeBron’s Knicks Wade’s Knicks Bosh and Johnson’s Knicks the Legion of Doom. So, there’s that, too. Well played, Rick Sund. It takes a special man to live up the incompetence of former GM Billy Knight but you may have succeeded.

Summer Wrapup: USA Basketball

A wise man once said “Ain’t no need to watch where I’m going, just need to know where I’ve been.” Okay, maybe it wasn’t Newton or Aristotle or Einstein. Maybe it wasn’t even Paul the Octopus or the inside of a fortune cookie. Maybe it was just Mater (voiced by Larry the Cable Guy), the rusted tow truck from Cars. If I’ve learned one thing in life it’s to never get involved in a land war in Asia. But number two on that list would be that Pixar knows their shit. So, in the spirit of heeding all things Pixar, it might be wise to look back at the (very busy) summer of 2010 before jumping into the NBA season. Lost amidst LeBron’s decision, the return of the National Football League, a fantastic season of Mad Men and my burgeoning love affair with Arian Foster were the 2010 FIBA World Championships. That’s right, summer basketball. Very important summer basketball. Summer basketball at the end of which they gave out these fancy things called gold medals. Fortunately for this fine country, Kevin Durant and Team USA were not so easily distracted by Arian’s excellent vision and powerful, decisive cuts and restored order to the (basketball) universe in Turkey last week. Team USA won the world championships for the first time since 1994 by defeating Turkey in the gold medal game 81-64. The Americans won their elimination games by an average of nearly 25 points per game and played only one close game (against Brazil) in the entire tournament. They did all of this without a true center, prolific outside shooting or a creative force at point guard. It was the exact sort of lineup composition that failed in previous incarnations of Team USA. Why did it work this year? And can anything be learned from a tournament that features Kirk Penney and Hamed Haddadi as 20ppg scorers?

If ESPN commentator Fran Fraschilla told me once then he told me a thousand times, the international game is different than the NBA game. <RANT> Seriously, a thousand times. Not a whole lot of dexterity to Fran’s announcing game. It’s conceivable that he wasn’t even watching the games and ESPN recorded his clichés and “expert” analysis pre-tournament and played them according to the flow of the game Madden video game style. Thank goodness international basketball only comes around once every two years. </RANT> Since FIBA allows zone defenses, good shooters are at a premium in the international game because of the defense’s ability to clog the paint against big men and guards slashing to the basket. Skilled, mobile, versatile big men are similarly valued. Of all the players on the American roster, it seemed like Kevin Love was best suited to the international game and, more specifically, for the 2010 roster of Team USA. He was the best rebounder on an undersized team, an excellent outlet passer on a team that wanted to run in transition and a player who could play the center position but also stretch the floor on offense with his jump-shooting. Despite fitting the FIBA game perfectly and being the second most productive player on the American roster, Kevin Love played the tenth most minutes for Team USA. Coach Mike Krzyzewski would have been roundly criticized for his rotation decisions if the USA did not come home with the gold. But they did. And despite my general hatred for Duke and Krzyzewski, perhaps Love’s limited time did not showcase coaching incompetence but revealed an actual game plan from Team USA. Maybe Krzyzewski and Jerry Colangelo stopped focusing on the differences in the FIBA game and remembered that FIBA basketball is still basketball. Even the American B-Team will have the most talent in any international tournament and should be able to dictate to opponents if properly coached and organized.

“You had to give it to him, he had a plan. And it started to make sense, in a Tyler sort of way. No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.” Narrator from Fight Club

Jumping Off with Jordan Part One: The Most Interesting Man in the (NBA) World

Hello blogosphere. Welcome to the official launching (as opposed to the soft August opening) of The Dunk Face. I will write somewhat coherently about the NBA and its various goings-on with the hope of an eventual emergence of a more focused view of the league. But that probably won't happen. Focus is not one of my (otherwise numerous) strengths. The Dunk Face is sure to be updated throughout the next couple of weeks and after that…well, I make no promises (add motivation to list of non-strengths). But the intent is to keep this going for the foreseeable future because I have an abundance of free time that should be put to better use. You can only imagine how unproductive I currently am if blogging counts as a good use of time. Fortunately, the time is ripe for NBA blogging. The upcoming season should be the most interesting since Michael Jordan returned from his Birmingham Barons sabbatical fifteen years ago. The league has finally adjusted to the (over)expansion of the 1990s and all 30 teams have talent. Even the hapless New Jersey Nets trot out a starting lineup that includes Devin Harris, Brook Lopez and (maybe) Derrick Favors (or Carmelo Anthony?). In direct contrast to the college game (pre-NCAA tournament), nearly every game on the NBA schedule will be watchable and showcase elite talent. More importantly, a lot of that talent is gathered in a few places around the country and leaves the league with an upper echelon of teams that will draw in the casual fan and make for some excellent playoff basketball next spring. It’s a flashback to the “golden days” of the 1980s when Michael Jordan burst onto a scene that already featured loaded teams in Philadelphia, Boston and Los Angeles. Negative public reaction to “The Decision” aside, the interest in the 2010 free agency period only reinforced the good feeling brought on by this year's improved television ratings. Roger Goodell may not be worried quite yet, but the NBA is back (labor negotiations pending).

USA! USA! USA!

Some unorganized thoughts from Team USA’s exhibitions this weekend against Lithuania and Spain. Bullet time!

-USA looked awful in the first half against Lithuania and trailed by two at the break. The key difference that led to “The Tale of Two Halves*”? Lamar Odom eschewing his headband in the second half. It’s either that or America’s athleticism on the defensive end wore down the Lithuanian guards. One of the two.
*Thankfully this boring game ended within two hours instead of many hours and 400 pages later. No offense, Mr. Dickens.

-Kevin Love may not be fully healthy but deserves more playing time. He is the best rebounder on an undersized team, an excellent outlet passer on a team that wants to push the pace and his defensive shortcomings aren’t as noticeable because the other options are Rudy Gay/Kevin Durant at power forward or Tyson Chandler getting extended minutes. It’s odd that Chandler has been able to play for this team; I could have sworn I saw him washed up while at the beach this summer.

-The Lithuanian team takes a page out of Herb Brooks’ book and realizes that “the name on the front is a hell of a lot more important than the one on the back.” Sure, the name on the back is their team sponsor, pokerstars.net, but still. It’s all about the L(ithuania), fellas.

Kevin Durant Knows Kung Fu

Kevin Durant had the greatest freshman season in the history of NCAA basketball at the University of Texas during the 2006-2007 season. He was unquestionably the best player in the country and teamed with future first round picks Damion James and D.J. Augustin, as well as A.J. Abrams, to form a powerful Texas team. Durant followed a strong regular season by winning the MVP award for the Big 12 tournament but Texas blew a 22 point lead in an overtime loss to Kansas in the Big 12 championship game. Durant posted okay numbers in Texas’ subsequent NCAA tournament appearance but was noticeably out of sync and described as “jumpy” in a narrow first-round win over #13 seed New Mexico State. Texas then fell to USC by nineteen points in the second round. Texas had the best player in the nation and a reasonably strong supporting cast but there was a reason they were easily dispatched in the second round (and it was not just because Rick Barnes is a mediocre basketball coach). Kevin Durant was only an eighteen year old kid. He was not ready…yet.

An Introduction

Another day, another blog. This one is about the NBA. The list of things you should know before reading this blog include the following…

Favorite Player/Team: Kobe Bryant and LA Lakers. I grew up a Washington Bullets fan but realized around age nine that I was a more capable GM than Wes Unseld. Deciding factors for my new team wound up being my (heterosexual, HIV free) love for Magic Johnson and Kobe taking Moesha to the high school prom.
Least Favorite Player: Kendrick Perkins. Mostly because I think he would eat my unborn children. Also, he is a Celtic. Also, in the right light his eyes seem to be yellow. Maybe he fights Edward Cullen on his off days?

Biggest Man Crush: The Chris Paul/Steve Nash hybrid. A biracial penetrating machine that can really dish it out. Ummm…yeah.
Biggest (Basketball-Related) Woman Crush: Dwyane Wade’s current girlfriend, Gabrielle Union. Appeared in two of my favorite chick-flicks of all-time in Bring It On and 10 Things I Hate About You. But…mostly self-explanatory.

Greatest Event in the History of the World: Creation of Gutenberg’s Printing Press
Second Greatest Event in the History of the World: "The Miracle on Ice"
Random Skills: Crosswords, Juggling, Scrabble, Fantasy Football, Mario Kart, Eating Chick-Fil-A

Best Dunk of All-Time: Vince Carter
Best/Worst Dunk of All-Time: European Guy

Best Dunk Face of All-Time: There can be no other. Michael Jordan.